2013년 11월 25일 월요일

About 'twickenham train station'|Cricketers and their train stations







About 'twickenham train station'|Cricketers and their train stations








Reborn               in               the               Nick               of               Time               The               period               embracing               the               autumn               of               1992               and               the               first               few               weeks               of               winter               may               well               have               been               the               most               debauched               of               my               entire               existence.


               I'd               get               up               early,               possibly               about               six,               and               then               prepare               myself               for               a               day               ahead               with               a               bottle               of               wine,               usually               fortified,               then               I'd               keep               my               units               topped               up               throughout               the               day               with               vodka               or               gin,               taking               regular               swigs               from               the               miniatures               I               liked               to               have               with               me               at               all               times.

Some               evenings               I'd               spend               in               central               London,               others               with               my               new               friends               from               the               college,               and               we               were               a               close               and               pretty               wild               crowd               for               a               while.

There               were               times               in               town               when               I               couldn't               keep               the               booze               down,               so               I'd               order               a               king-sized               cola               from               MacDonalds               which               I'd               then               lace               with               spirits               before               cautiously               sipping               from               it               through               a               straw.

I               was               a               euphoric               drunk               and               so               almost               never               unpleasant...but               I               was               unpredictable...a               true               Dionysian               who'd               cry               out               for               no               reason               on               a               British               Rail               train               in               the               middle               of               the               afternoon.

One               afternoon               I               tore               my               clothes               to               shreds               after               having               arrived               too               late               for               an               audition               and               a               barman               who               served               me               later               on               in               the               day               asked               me               if               I'd               been               involved               in               a               fight...and               then               there               was               the               shameful               night               at               Waterloo               station               -               or               was               it               Liverpool               Street?

-               that               I               had               to               be               gently               escorted               across               the               concourse               to               my               train               by               one               of               the               drunks               who               used               to               sleep               rough               at               mainline               stations               back               then.


               However,               all               these               insane               incidents               came               to               a               head               one               night               in               early               1993               in               an               Indian               restaurant               in               Hampton               Court               close               to               the               Surrey-London               border.

I'd               been               dining               there               with               two               female               friends               when,               suddenly               feeling               like               pure               death,               I               asked               the               one               closest               to               me               whether               I               looked               as               bad               as               I               felt.

She               told               me               I               did,               so               I               got               up               from               the               table,               walked               a               few               paces               and               then               collapsed               as               if               stone               dead               in               the               middle               of               the               restaurant.

I               was               then               carried               bodily               out               into               the               fresh               night               air               by               two               or               three               Indian               waiters,               one               of               whom               set               about               shocking               some               life               back               into               me               by               flicking               ice               cold               water               in               my               face.

"Don't               give               up",               he               pleaded,               his               voice               betraying               true               concern...and               in               time               thanks               to               him               some               semblance               of               life               returned,               and               I               was               well               enough               to               be               driven               home.


               Yet,               within               two               days               I               was               drinking               as               heavily               as               before,               continuing               to               do               so               virtually               around               the               clock               until               the               weekend.

I               then               spent               Saturday               evening               with               my               close               friend               from               the               restaurant,               and               at               some               point               in               the               morning               of               the               16th               after               having               drunk               solidly               all               night               I               asked               her               to               fill               a               long               glass               with               neat               gin               and               each               sip               took               me               further               and               further               into               the               desired               state               of               blissful               forgetfulness.


               I               awoke               exhilarated,               which               was               normal               for               me               following               a               lengthy               binge.

It               was               my               one               drying               out               day               of               the               week,               and               so               I               probably               spent               it               writing               as               well               as               cleaning               up               the               accumulated               chaos               of               the               past               week.

One               thing               I               definitely               did               do               was               listen               to               a               radio               documentary               on               the               legendary               L.A.

Rock               band               the               Doors               which               I'd               taped               some               weeks               or               perhaps               months               earlier.

I               especially               savoured               "When               the               Music's               Over"               from               what               was               then               one               of               my               favourite               albums,               "Strange               Days"               released               in               the               wake               of               the               Summer               of               Love               on               my               12th               birthday,               7               October               1967.

This               apocalyptic               epic               with               its               unearthly               screams               and               ecstatically               discordant               guitar               solo               seemed               to               me               about               living               in               the               shadow               of               death,               beckoning               death,               mocking               death,               defying               death.


               I               powerfully               identified               with               the               Doors'               gifted               singer               Jim               Morrison...who'd               been               drawn               as               a               very               young               man               to               poets               of               darkly               prophetic               intensity,               such               as               Blake,               Nietzsche,               Rimbaud,               Artaud,               as               well               as               the               poets               of               the               Beat               Generation,               who               were               themselves               children               of               the               -               largely               French               -               Romantic               poètes               maudits,               whose               works               have               the               power               to               change               lives,               as               they               surely               did               Morrison's.

His               philosophy               of               life               was               clearly               informed               by               Blake,               who               wrote               of               "the               road               of               excess"               leading               to               "the               palace               of               wisdom",               while               his               hell               raising               persona               came               to               a               degree               from               Rimbaud,               who               extolled               the               virtues               of               "a               long,               immense               and               systematic               derangement               of               all               the               senses"               as               an               angel-faced               hooligan               in               the               Paris               of               the               early               1870s.

What               a               price               he               paid...dead               at               just               27...like               Jones,               Hendrix,               Joplin               before               him,               and               so               the               '60s               dream               was               revealed               as               the               beguiling               chimera               it               had               been               all               along.


               After               having               spent               the               day               revelling               in               my               own               inane               notion               of               myself               as               a               poet               on               the               edge               like               my               heroes,               at               some               point               in               the               early               evening               I               got               what               I'd               been               courting               for               so               long...an               intimation               of               early               death,               when               for               pretty               well               the               first               time               in               my               life               alcohol               stopped               being               my               beloved               elixir               and               became               a               mortal               enemy,               causing               my               legs               to               lose               sensation               and               my               life               force               to               recede               at               a               furious               and               terrifying               rate.

In               a               blind               panic,               I               opened               a               spare               bottle               of               sparkling               wine               I               had               about               the               house               even               though               I'd               hoped               not               to               have               to               drink               that               day.

Once               I'd               drained               it,               I               felt               better               for               a               while,               in               fact               so               much               so               that               I               took               a               few               snaps               of               myself               lounging               around               looking               haggard               and               unshaven,               with               freshly               cropped               hair.


               Soon               after               this               macabre               photo               session               I               set               off               in               search               of               more               alcohol.

Arriving               at               a               local               delicatessen,               the               Asian               shop-keeper               nervously               told               me               that               the               off-license               wasn't               open               for               some               time               yet.

There               was               nothing               for               me               to               do               but               take               refuge               on               a               nearby               green,               where               I               lay               for               a               while,               still               dressed               I               imagine               in               the               shabby               white               cut-offs               I'd               been               wearing               earlier.

Finally,               the               offie               opened               and               I               was               able               to               buy               more               booze.

I               can't               remember               what               I               bought,               but               I               think               it               may               have               been               a               litre               of               gin,               because               that's               what               I               was               guzzling               from               the               next               day.

One               of               the               last               things               I               remember               doing               on               Sunday               evening               was               singing               hymns               in               a               nearby               Methodist               church               as               the               tears               flowed...tears               of               remorse,               tears               of               fear,               tears               of               desperation.


               I've               no               further               memory               of               what               happened               that               hellish               night,               but               there               were               many               such               nights               ahead.

At               least               one               of               these               saw               me               endlessly               pacing               up               and               down               corridors               and               stairs               in               an               attempt               to               stay               conscious               and               so               -               as               I               saw               it               -               not               die...and               each               time               I               shut               my               eyes               I               could               have               sworn               I               saw               demonic               entities               beckoning               me               into               a               bottomless               black               abyss.

I               set               about               ridding               my               house               of               artefacts               I               somehow               knew               to               be               offensive               to               God               from               what               I               think               was               the               night               of               the               16th               and               17th               onwards.

Many               books               were               destroyed...books               on               astrology               and               numerology               and               other               mystical               and               occult               subjects,               books               on               war               and               crime               and               atrocity,               and               books               about               artists               some               call               accursed               for               their               kinship               with               drunkenness               and               madness               and               death.
               I               genuinely               believe               though               that               for               all               the               horrors               I               underwent,               it               was               during               that               first               night               that               I               came               to               accept               Christ               as               my               Saviour.

Had               my               violent               conversion               not               come               about               when               it               did,               I               might               have               been               lost               forever,               depending               of               course               on               where               a               person               stands               on               the               issue               of               Predestination               and               Free               Will,               but               I'd               have               surely               immersed               myself               in               the               new               Bohemianism               of               the               1990s.

The               adversary               values               of               the               sixties               had               apparently               vanished               by               about               1973,               when               in               fact               they'd               simply               gone               back               underground,               where               they               set               about               fertilising               new               anti-establishment               clans               such               as               the               Anarcho-Punks               and               the               New               Age               Travellers               who               quietly               flourished               throughout               the               '80s.

Around               '92,               some               kind               of               amalgam               between               these               tribes               and               the               growing               Rave-Dance               movement               produced               yet               another               great               counterculture,               and               I               was               ready...ready               as               I'd               never               been               to               take               my               place               as               a               zealot               of               the               New               Edge,               only               to               be               delivered               from               its               seductive               grasp               by               a               violent               "Road               to               Damascus"               conversion.

However,               if               I'd               been               reborn               against               all               the               odds,               I               still               had               to               suffer               in               the               physical,               if               only               briefly.
               Many               Christians               are               of               the               opinion               that               the               longer               a               person               puts               off               coming               to               Christ               the               less               likely               it               becomes               of               their               ever               doing               so               and               I'm               among               them.

I               also               believe               that               Christians               who               convert               relatively               late               in               life               may               be               required               to               pay               a               far               higher               price               for               the               follies               of               their               pre-Christian               existence               than               more               youthful               converts.

God               can               and               does               heal               Christians               damaged               by               their               pre-conversion               sins               but               He's               not               obliged               to               do               so               as               his               Grace               is               sufficient,               so               while               I               was               almost               certainly               already               a               Christian               by               the               morning               of               the               17th               of               January,               my               ordeal               was               far               from               over.

I               somehow               made               it               into               New               Eltham               that               Monday               morning               for               classes               at               the               University,               but               by               evening               I               felt               so               ill               I               started               swigging               from               my               litre               bottle               of               gin.

I               also               phoned               Alcoholics               Anonymous               at               my               mother's               request,               and               agreed               to               give               a               meeting               a               shot.
               Next               day,               on               the               way               to               Richmond               College,               I               got               the               feeling               my               heart               was               about               to               explode,               not               just               once               but               over               and               over               again.

After               classes,               I               tried               walking               through               Twickenham               but               I               couldn't               feel               my               legs               and               was               struggling               to               stay               conscious,               so               I               ended               up               ordering               a               double               brandy               from               the               pub               next               door               to               the               Police               Station.

I               was               shaking               so               much               the               landlord               thought               I               was               fresh               from               an               interrogation               session.

Later,               I               was               thrown               out               of               another               pub               for               preaching               at               the               top               of               my               voice,               then,               walking               through               Twickenham               town               centre               I               started               making               the               sign               of               the               cross               to               passers-by,               telling               one               poor               young               guy               never               to               take               to               drink               like               some               kind               of               walking               advert               for               temperance               and               he               nodded               without               saying               a               word               before               scurrying               away.


               Back               home,               in               an               effort               to               calm               myself               down,               I               dug               out               a               sedative               commonly               used               in               treating               and               controlling               the               effects               of               acute               alcohol               withdrawal,               but               dangerous,               in               fact               potentially               fatal,               when               used               in               conjunction               with               alcohol.

I               still               had               some               capsules               left               over               from               about               1990               when               I'd               been               prescribed               them               by               my               then               doctor,               which               meant               they'd               long               gone               beyond               their               expiry               date.

For               a               time               I               felt               better               and               was               able               to               sleep,               but               soon               after               waking               I               felt               worse               than               ever.

Later,               at               an               AA               meeting,               I               kept               leaving               the               room               to               douse               my               head               in               cold               water,               anything               to               shock               some               life               back               into               me,               to               the               dismay               of               my               sponsor               who               wanted               me               to               stay               put,               as               if               doing               so               would               exert               a               healing               effect.
               Next               day               saw               me               pacing               the               office               of               the               first               available               doctor,               who               seemed               at               a               loss               as               to               what               to               do               with               me,               but               then               it               may               have               been               touch               and               go               as               to               whether               I               was               going               to               stay               on               my               feet               or               overdose               on               the               spot               and               die               on               him.

It               was               he               who               prescribed               me               the               Valium               which               caused               me               to               fall               into               a               deep,               deep               sleep               which               may               have               saved               my               life,               and               from               which               I               awoke               to               sense               that               a               frontier               had               been               passed               and               that               I               was               out               of               danger               at               long               last.


               The               piece               below               first               existed               as               a               series               of               rough               notes               scrawled               on               a               piece               of               scrap               paper               in               the               dying               days               of               1993               and               are               a               pretty               accurate               account               of               the               incidents               I've               just               described.
               Oblivion               in               Recession
               The               legs               started               going,               
               Howlings               
               In               my               head.


               Thought               I'd               go               
               Kept               awake               with               water,               
               Breathing,               
               Arrogantly               telling               myself               
               I'd               stay               straight.


               Drank               gin               and               wine,               
               Went               out,               
               Tried               to               buy               more,               
               Unshaven,               
               Filthy               white               shorts,               
               Lost,               rolling               on               lawn,               
               Somehow               got               home.


               Monday,               waiting               for               offie,               
               Looked               like               death,               
               Fear               in               eyes               
               Of               passers-by,               
               Waiting               for               drink,               
               Drink               relieved               me.


               Drank               all               day,               
               Collapsed               wept               
               "Don't               Die               on               Me".


               Next               day,               
               Double               brandy               
               Just               about               settled               me,               
               Drank               some               more,               
               Thought               constantly               
               I'd               collapse               
               Then               what?


               Fit?

Coronary?


               Insanity?

Worse?


               Took               a               Heminevrin               
               Paced               the               house               
               All               night,               
               Pain               in               chest,               
               Weak               legs,               
               Lack               of               feeling               
               In               extremities,               
               Visions               of               darkness.


               Drank               water               
               To               keep               the               
               Life               functions               going               
               Played               devotional               music,               
               Dedicated               my               life               
               To               God,               
               Prayed               constantly,               
               Renounced               evil.


               Next               day,               
               Two               valiums               
               Helped               me               sleep.


               By               eve,               
               I               started               to               feel               better.


               Suddenly,               
               All               is               clearer,               
               Taste,               sounds,               
               I               feel               human               again.


               I               made               my               choice,               
               And               oblivion               has               receded,               
               And               shall               disappear...
               Called               by               Contact               for               Christ
               To               reiterate               an               earlier               assertion...there               is               a               widely               held               belief               within               Christianity               that               the               sooner               a               person               comes               to               Christ               the               better               when               it               comes               to               their               immortal               soul.

The               same               could               be               said               for               their               subsequent               relationship               with               God.

There               may               for               example               be               serious               health               problems               resulting               from               a               former               self-destructive               lifestyle               which               could               damage               their               effectiveness               as               Christian               witnesses.


               On               the               other               hand,               one               possible               advantage               of               being               a               late               convert               is               a               testimony               with               the               power               to               cause               those               normally               sceptical               of               the               transforming               power               of               the               born               again               experience               to               sit               up               and               take               notice.

Such               as               that               of               this               rescued               Rock               and               Roll               child...raised               in               an               age               in               which               messages               of               revolt...and               defiance               of               all               forms               of               authority,               society,               the               family,               God               himself               were               being               spread               by               an               adversary               culture               led               by               Rock               music.

We               drank               deeply               we               children               of               the               sixties               from               the               spiritual               darkness               that               was               all               around               from               about               '65               onwards,               and               it               affected               us               in               ways               I               believe               to               be               unique               to               us.

That               darkness               has               been               a               thorn               in               my               flesh               ever               since               my               first               days               as               a               Christian,               when               I               suffered               from               panic               attacks               that               at               one               stage               could               be               triggered               simply               by               venturing               beyond               my               front               door,               and               I've               never               been               able               to               fully               throw               it               off.


               I               struggled               on               with               the               PGCE,               partly               at               the               University               of               Greenwich,               and               partly               at               Richmond               College,               Twickenham,               while               rehearsing               for               a               couple               of               tiny               parts               for               the               play               "Simples               of               the               Moon"               by               Rosalind               Scanlon,               under               the               direction               of               Ariana.

Based               on               the               life               of               James               Joyce's               troubled,               fascinating               daughter               the               dancer               Lucia               Joyce,               it               premiered               at               the               Lyric               Studio,               Hammersmith               on               the               4th               of               February               1993.

I               also               attended               occasional               drugs               and               alcohol               counselling               sessions               at               a               church               in               Greenwich               with               a               lovely               lady               of               about               45               called               Linda,               who               had               a               soft               and               soothing               cockney               accent               and               the               gentlest               pale               blue               eyes               you               ever               saw.

The               only               time               I               ever               knew               her               to               lose               her               cool               was               when               I               announced               over               the               phone               that               a               matter               of               hours               after               deciding               of               my               own               volition               to               stop               taking               Diazepam,               I'd               switched               to               the               hypnotic,               Chlomethiazole...unaware               at               the               time               that               when               it               interacts               with               Valium,               it               can               be               fatal.

However,               enough               time               had               passed               between               my               taking               the               capsule               and               making               the               call               to               be               out               of               any               real               danger,               and               I               can               recall               her               literally               laughing               with               relief               at               this               realisation.

I               owe               so               much               to               her...and               my               AA               sponsor               Dan               -               who               kept               tabs               on               me               during               my               very               worst               time               -               and               other               AA               friends               like               Alan,               who               had               such               a               soft               spot               for               me               because               it               had               only               been               a               short               time               before               we               met               that               he'd               been               in               an               even               worse               state               than               me.

Still,               I               chose               to               attend               only               a               handful               of               meetings               before               stopping               altogether.
               One               of               the               reasons               for               this               was               that               a               matter               of               days               after               coming               to               Christ,               I               received               a               phone               call               from               a               counsellor               for               an               organisation               called               Contact               for               Christ               based               in               Selsdon,               South               London.

I               think               he'd               got               in               touch               as               a               result               of               my               having               half-heartedly               filled               in               a               form               that               I'd               picked               up               on               a               train,               perhaps               the               previous               summer               while               filled               with               alcoholic               anticipation               as               I               slowly               approached               Waterloo               station               by               British               Rail               train               with               the               sun               setting               over               the               foreboding               south               London               cityscape.

Knowing               me               I               tried               to               put               him               off,               but               he               was               persistent               and               before               I               knew               it               he               was               at               the               door               of               my               parents'               house,               a               trim,               dark,               handsome               man               in               late               middle               age               called               Spencer               with               gently               piercing               coffee               coloured               eyes               and               a               luxuriant               white               moustache,               and               at               his               insistence               we               prayed               together.


               Some               time               later               I               visited               him               and               his               wife               Grace               at               his               large               and               elegant               house               where               suburb               meets               country               just               beyond               the               Greater               London               border.

On               that               day,               he               and               I               made               an               extensive               list               of               aspects               of               my               pre-Christian               life               he               felt               required               deep               repentance,               and               we               prayed               over               each               of               these               in               turn.

My               continuing               use               of               tobacco               was               one               of               the               lesser               issues               addressed,               and               while               it               may               have               been               coincidental,               soon               after               I'd               taken               my               last               Valium,               I               stopped               enjoying               cigarettes,               so               that               a               single               draw               was               enough               to               interfere               with               my               breathing               for               the               rest               of               the               day,               and               so               rob               me               of               a               good               night's               sleep.


               In               addition,               we               discussed               which               church               I               should               be               attending,               and               there               was               some               talk               of               my               joining               Spencer               and               Grace               at               their               little               family               fellowship               in               the               suburbs,               but               in               the               end,               Spencer               gave               his               blessing               to               Cornerstone               Bible               Church,               where               I               went               on               to               be               baptised               by               the               pastor.


               Cornerstone,               known               today               as               Cornerstone               the               Church,               is               a               large               fellowship               affiliated               to               the               Word               of               Faith               Movement               and               specifically               Rhema               Ministries               of               Johannesburg,               South               Africa,               pastored               by               Ray               McCauley.

I'd               attended               my               very               first               service               there               even               before               becoming               a               Christian               in               late               1992.

Drunk               at               the               time               as               I               recall,               I'd               sat               next               to               a               beautiful               blonde               woman               of               about               55               whom               I               later               discovered               to               be               a               successful               actress               who               at               the               height               of               her               career               in               the               sixties               had               appeared               in               television               cult               classics               "The               Avengers"               and               "The               Prisoner".

Apart               from               an               elder               from               the               Jesus               Fellowship,               who'd               laid               hands               on               me               at               a               meeting               of               theirs               in               central               London,               she               was               my               very               first               Christian               mentor,               if               only               for               a               very               brief               period               of               time.

However,               I               was               never               to               see               or               speak               to               her               again               as               I               didn't               return               to               the               church               for               several               months,               and               by               the               time               I               did               as               a               new               believer,               I               think               she'd               moved               to               another               church.

We               kept               on               missing               each               other,               and               she               died               in               June               2001.

I've               never               forgotten               her.
               Descent               into               the               Hothouse
               In               the               early               part               of               '94,               I               set               out               on               the               final               phase               of               the               PGCE               (FE)               at               the               University               of               Greenwich               in               New               Eltham,               in               South               East               London.

To               recap,               there'd               been               two               previous               attempts               at               passing               this               exam,               the               first               taking               place               in               1986-'87               at               Homerton               College,               Cambridge,               and               the               second,               in               1990,               at               the               former               West               London               Institute               of               Higher               Education,               based               on               two               campuses               in               the               suburbs               of               Isleworth               and               East               Twickenham.

The               third               was               the               only               one               I               actually               managed               to               complete,               although               not               successfully...mainly               I               think               because               I               didn't               show               enough               authority               in               the               classroom               at               Esher               College               where               I               did               my               Teaching               Practice.

To               their               credit,               my               tutors               at               Greenwich               did               offer               me               the               opportunity               of               retaking               just               the               TP               component,               but               I               chose               to               turn               them               down.

If               I               was               upset,               it               wasn't               for               long               because               in               September               I               successfully               auditioned               for               a               newly               formed               fringe               theatre               group               called               Grip               based               at               the               Rose               and               Crown               pub               in               Kingston               for               the               role               of               Roote               in               Harold               Pinter's               little               known               "The               Hothouse".


               While               perhaps               not               among               Pinter's               greatest               plays,               "The               Hothouse"               is               a               superbly               written               piece               nonetheless,               with               its               almost               high               poetic               verbal               virtuosity               and               inventiveness               and               dark               surreal               humour               laced               with               a               constant               sense               of               impending               violence.

Written               in               1958,               it               wasn't               performed               until               1980,               when               it               was               directed               by               Pinter               himself               for               London's               Hampstead               and               Ambassador               Theatres.


               From               the               auditions               onwards,               I               gelled               with               the               American               director               Tom               because               while               most               of               the               auditions               I'd               attended               up               to               this               point               had               hinged               on               the               time-honoured               method               of               the               actor               performing               a               piece               from               memory               before               a               panel               of               interviewers,               Tom               had               us               reading               from               the               play               in               small               groups,               which               enabled               us               to               attain               a               basic               feel               for               the               character               and               so               feel               like               we               were               actually               acting               rather               than               coldly               reciting.

For               me,               this               is               the               only               way               to               audition.


               Once               he'd               told               me               the               part               of               Roote               was               mine,               I               devoted               myself               to               his               vision               of               Roote,               the               pompous               yet               deranged               director               of               an               unnamed               English               psychiatric               hospital,               even               though               it               was               deeply               at               odds               with               my               usual               highly               Method-oriented,               subtle,               intense,               introspective               and               yet               somehow               also               emotionally               vehement               approach               to               acting.

In               fact,               his               instincts               were               spot-on,               and               the               production               went               on               to               receive               spectacular               reviews               not               just               in               the               local               press,               but               the               international               listings               magazine               Time               Out,               in               which               my               performance               was               described               as               "flawlessly               accurate"               and               "lit               by               flashes               of               black               humour".

An               amazing               triumph               for               a               humble               fringe               show.


               A               major               agent               went               out               of               her               way               to               express               her               interest               in               me,               and               asked               me               to               ensure               my               details               reach               her               which               I               did...but               I               never               heard               from               her               again,               possibly               due               to               the               shabby               condition               of               my               CV               at               the               time,               and               I               didn't               pursue               the               matter               further.

Why               I               didn't               more               fully               exploit               the               opportunities               offered               me               by               the               unexpected               success               of               "The               Hothouse"               and               so               go               on               to               the               West               End               superstardom               some               may               have               seen               as               mine               for               the               taking               remains               something               of               a               mystery.

Or               does               it?

In               my               defence               I               can               only               say               that               since               my               recent               conversion               my               priorities               had               shifted               so               that               I               viewed               worldly               success               with               less               relish               than               I'd               done               only               a               few               years               before.

Also,               I               badly               missed               the               relaxation               alcohol               once               provided               me               with               following               my               work               onstage,               so,               while               I               still               loved               acting               itself,               the               process               of               being               an               actor               had               become               pure               torture.

I'd               boxed               myself               into               the               position               of               no               longer               being               able               to               enjoy               social               situations               as               others               do,               nor               to               relax.

This               may               have               been               something               to               do               with               what               the               state               of               my               endorphins,               the               body's               natural               feel-good               chemicals,               as               there's               a               belief               that               these               can               be               permanently               depleted               by               long-term               abuse               of               alcohol               and               other               narcotics.

For               my               part,               I'm               not               in               any               position               to               either               endorse               nor               dismiss               it.


               Within               a               short               time               of               "The               Hothouse"               reaching               the               end               of               its               two               week               run,               Grip's               artistic               director               Simon               asked               me               if               I'd               like               to               audition               for               his               upcoming               production               of               Jim               Cartwright's               two-handed               play               "Two".

Naturally               I               said               yes               and               so               after               a               cursory               audition,               found               myself               cast               as               all               the               male               characters               opposite               a               brilliant               young               actress               from               Liverpool,               Jean,               who               played               all               the               female.

By               the               end               of               the               run               the               houses               were               so               packed               that               people               were               sitting               on               the               side               of               the               stage               at               our               feet,               something               I'd               never               experienced               before               on               the               London               fringe.

Yet,               as               much               as               I               loved               working               with               Simon               and               Jean,               I               dreaded               the               end               of               each               performance,               which               would               see               me               make               my               excuses               as               soon               as               it               was               possible               to               do               so               without               causing               anyone               any               great               offence               to               anyone.


               Release               from               what               had               become               a               torturous               dungeon               of               sobriety               came               while               I               was               attending               some               unrelated               function               at               the               Rose               and               Crown               a               day               or               so               following               my               final               performance               in               "Two",               when               a               guy               I'd               only               just               met               offered               to               buy               me               a               drink               and               I               asked               for               a               glass               of               wine.

Apart               from               the               time               at               my               parents'               house               a               few               weeks               earlier               when               I               took               a               swig               of               what               I               thought               was               water               but               which               turned               out               to               be               vodka               or               gin,               this               was               the               first               alcohol               to               pass               my               lips               since               January               '93.


               This               single               glass               of               wine               made               me               feel               amazing,               doubly               so               given               the               purity               of               my               system.

I               cycled               home               that               night               in               a               state               of               total               rapture,               feeling               for               the               first               time               in               months               that               I               could               do               anything.

Over               the               next               few               week               my               drinking               increased,               reaching               a               climax               in               a               pub               in               Twickenham               where               I               met               an               old               university               friend               who'd               just               finished               a               course               at               St               Mary's               University               College               in               nearby               Strawberry               Hill,               and               where               I               drank               and               smoked               myself               into               a               stupor.


               Cycling               home               afterwards,               I               took               a               bend               near               Hampton               Wick               and               came               off               my               bike,               striking               my               head               against               a               bus               shelter.

I               stayed               flat               on               my               back               for               a               while               abject               and               stinking               of               drink               -I               could've               sworn               I               saw               a               shadowy               figure               running               towards               me               as               I               lay               there               in               the               dark               -               but               before               long               I               was               shakily               resuming               my               journey               home.

However,               weeks               of               controlled               drinking               and               one               massive               binge,               possibly               combined               with               the               ill               effects               of               a               violent               blow               to               the               head,               resulted               in               my               becoming               ill               and               virtually               incapacitated               for               what               might               have               been               as               long               as               a               fortnight.

Time               and               again               during               this               awful               period               I'd               awake               from               a               feverish               semi-sleep,               dizzy,               faint               and               nauseous,               with               my               face               a               deathly               yellowy               pale,               but               each               time               a               single               further               second               of               consciousness               seemed               beyond               me               I               felt               the               Lord               breathing               life               back               into               me               and               the               terror               of               dying               subsided.

All               I               could               do               was               lie               around,               waiting,               praying               for               a               return               to               normality...and               when               this               came,               I               determined               never               to               drink               again               as               long               as               I               lived.

But               we               swiftly               forget               our               sojourns               in               Hell...






Image of twickenham train station






twickenham train station
twickenham train station


twickenham train station Image 1


twickenham train station
twickenham train station


twickenham train station Image 2


twickenham train station
twickenham train station


twickenham train station Image 3


twickenham train station
twickenham train station


twickenham train station Image 4


twickenham train station
twickenham train station


twickenham train station Image 5


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    2. leftarmchinaman.blogspot.com/   08/20/2008
      ... of the England cricket team and stations on the London Underground. At long last, here...Alastair Cook Nearest tube stop to Twickenham. Nearing perfection, but not quite there...
    3. dangerineurope.blogspot.com/   06/04/2007
      ...still tell if they play rubbish! We got home quite late, as the wondrous TFL(transport for London) failed to put on any extra trains from Twickenham. Cold, wet and hungry.
    4. janandbonniesblog.blogspot.com/   03/01/2010
      ...together as we all inched our way towards either the town centre or the train station. Our younger Son met us at Southampton station and drove us home, it...
    5. antmusic.wordpress.com/   10/13/2011
      Ok, it’s early. But there are still some of us up to see the Moon and catch a train. Share this: Share Facebook Twitter Like this: Like Be the first to like this post.
    6. stadiumsandcities.wordpress.com/   05/27/2012
      ...the season, might favour Harlequins as they spent the week training in the heat of the middle east, courtesy of sponsors Emirates, no doubt...
    7. jimgreenhalf.blogspot.com/   02/14/2011
      .... Passengers who had missed trains were directed to approach station staff for help. No one met us off the train. About 50 of us...
    8. kiwisinthebasement.blogspot.com/   02/12/2007
      ... anywhere. The train stopped at the last 5 stations to waiting fans...once we arrived at Twickenham we followed the...
    9. ageofuncertainty.blogspot.com/   09/14/2012
      ...street, mallard ducks in Bushy Park and a blurred shot of a train entering Twickenham station? Thank God there were no digital cameras in 1979. If I'd...
    10. amomentintime-craftycooper.blogspot.com/   12/13/2010
      ... area of the Station This Statue is ...I was there - Emily's train arrived early!! Shame...10. Chatham,11. Nottingham, 12. Twickenham, 13. Woodbridge. 14. Red House...



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