2013년 11월 24일 일요일

About 'barrow train station'|Barrow in Furness







About 'barrow train station'|Barrow in Furness








               Chapter               7.
               On               entering               the               T.A.R.D.I.S.

the               rambling               began.
               "...I               set               emergency               power               and               atmospheric               filtration               before               we               left               so               all               the               Traxion               gas,               smoke               and               air-born               debris               has               been               neutralised               but               she's               still               so               weak               that               I               had               to               shut               down               all               non-essential               systems.

It               was               too               cold               for               you               yesterday               and               the               oxygen               to               nitrogen               ratio               wasn't               exactly               human               friendly               and               I               won't               even               start               on               the               Helmick               regulator               or               the               Atriax               wheel               barrow               that's               spiralling               2.367               degrees               to               the               right,               no               sorry,               the               left..."
               Rose's               brow               quirked               in               amusement               and               a               shy               smile               graced               her               lips.

She               felt               nervous               and               awkward.

Why?

This               was               the               Doctor,               her               best               friend,               a               man               who               had               seen               her               in               morning               strops,               in               yellow               Lycra               on               that               planet               with               the               weird               humidity               and               pink               rain,               at               her               most               vulnerable               and               most               brave               and               still               she               felt               like               a               school               girl               on               a               first               date,               all               clumsy               and               lanky,               sport's               day               legs               around               an               older,               college               jock.

The               Doctor               and               jock               really               shouldn't               be               in               the               same               mental               train               of               thought.

It               was               definitely               puffing               away               from               the               station               and               heading               to               heartbreak               creak.
               "...I               mended               as               much               as               I               could               so               all               spatial               and               navigational               relays               are               operational,               even               the               kettle               should               work               but               the               problem               is,               even               when               I've               fixed               everything,               she               doesn't               have               the               power               to               run               it.

I               still               have               no               idea               what               caused               the               shut               down.

There               was               no               obvious               damage               that               couldn't               have               occurred               from               accelerated               transit               or               the               crash               landing.

So               even               if               I               can               extrapolate               her               power               supply               there's               no               guarantee               it               won't               just               happen               again               and               the               first               thing               to               fail               would               be               her               shielding.

She'd               be               obliterated               if               we               weren't               close               enough               to               a               planetoid               for               emergency               re-materialisation."
               Rose               shook               off               the               butterflies               and               looked               around               properly.

She               remembered               all               those               woeful               movies               her               mum               would               force               her               to               watch               on               'True               Movies'.

They'd               sit               and               cry               from               start               to               finish.

She               remembers               the               night               she               had               to               run               down               to               the               corner               shop               in               her               jammies               when               they               ran               out               of               toilet               roll               having               forgot               to               buy               a               new               box               of               tissues               for               their               maudlin,               movie               marathon.
               In               almost               all               of               those               films               there               would               be               at               least               one               scene               in               a               hospital               room.

It               would               be               so               white               and               clinical               and               the               starched,               cotton,               bed               linen               would               hide               a               weak,               fragile,               human               body               suffocating               in               wires,               bruising               I.V.

needles,               oxygen               masks               and               loomed               over               by               copious               machines               going               'bleep'.

The               poor               form               seemed               more               machine               than               man               and               as               she               glanced               warily               around               the               T.A.R.D.I.S.

the               inverse               was               true.

The               once               manically               organised               mechanics               and               systems               looked               like               blood               and               gore               from               septic,               spurting               wounds.

Sparks               and               oil               and               strange               viscous               fluids               pooled               like               a               human's               life               force               through               the               gratings               and               fool               smelling               smoke               and               ash               belched               from               the               deep,               obscured               innards.

She               was               a               mess,               broken               and               still               breaking               and               the               Doctor's               patch               up               jobs               looked               like               inefficient               band               aids               hurriedly               administered               on               a               foreign               war               field.
               Rose               shuddered               and               held               back               the               cry               of               disgust               and               protective               fear               that               threatened               to               scream               from               her               throat.
               "Even               if               I               do               travel               again,               I               can't               risk               taking               you               with               me.

Not               that               you'd               want               to               come               of               course.

You've               made               that               quite               clear.

But               I               mean               I               can't               even               take               you               home,               Rose               back               to               your               mum               and               your               world               and...and               not               that               it               really               matters               now,               except               it               does,               why               are               you               leaving               me,               again?"
               Rose's               mind               reeled               at               the               sudden               shift               in               conversion               and               the               equality               sudden               shift               in               the               Doctor's               timeless               eyes.

Did               she               really               have               to               have               this               conversation               now               in               the               midst               of               so               much               sorrow?

She               tried               to               deflect.
               "Ohhh,               personal               pronoun               there,               that's               a               bit               self-absorbed               ain't               it?

Bordering               on               domestic,               I'd               say."
               He               wasn't               biting               which               surprised               her.

It               wasn't               like               the               Doctor               to               rehash               an               argument               especially               one               that               was               potentially               emotional               and               very               personal.
               "Ok!

Why               do               you               want               to               go               home?"
               He               stood               there,               arms               crossed,               in               the               sickly               glow               of               the               Time               Rotor               that               occasionally               rumbled               and               shifted               with               jarring               spasms.
               "It's               time."               She               sobered               with               almost               stoic               statuesque,               her               frame               stolid               and               stiff.
               "It's               time?

It's               time?

What               does               that               mean,               time?

Since               when               do               you               talk               in               riddles,               Rose?"
               "S'not               a               riddle.

S'just               my               answer."
               He               advanced               on               her,               squeezing               her               personal               space.

She               folded               her               arms               and               stood               against               the               oncoming               storm.
               "It's               not               an               answer.

It's               the               avoidance               of               an               answer.

Answers               come               with               information               and               explanations               not               more               questions."
               "Well               yeah,               you'd               know               all               about               that."
               "What               does               that               mean?"
               Silence.
               "Oh,               I'm               sorry.

I               though               that               was               a               rhetorical               question.

Didn't               realise               you               were               just               being               deliberately               fascist...hmmm...thick!"
               "Facetious               and               no,               I               really               want               to               know?"
               His               eyes               implored               her               but               his               mouth               sneered               in               that               menacing               way               his               ninth               face               would               sometimes               contort               when               angry               and               defensive.
               "If               this               is               a               game..."               she               stuttered.
               "I'm               not               playing."               His               voice               was               low               and               dangerous.
               Rose               puffed               out               a               huge,               laboured               exhale               and               braced               herself               for               some               truth               telling.
               "You               love               to               talk,               like               words               are               the               salt               and               vinegar               of               sentences               for               your               tongue               and               not               just               for               chips.

You're               always               hungry               but               that's               because               your               words               are               empty.

How               can               a               man               say               so               much               and               say               nothing?

How               can               you               know               so               much               and               be               so               blind?"               she               calmed               a               little.

"Some               words               just               need               saying               s'all.
               "You               always               say,               'words               have               power'               and               they               do,               Doctor.

They               can               mean               so               much               and               without               them               you               could               filibuster               for               Klom               and               still               feel               lonely."
               "You               think               I               choose               to               be               lonely?

Then               you               know               nothing               of               loneliness."
               "Maybe               not               but               I'm               learning               more               every               day...Argh!

It's               just               time."
               There               was               no               point               getting               angry               again               and               making               the               situation               even               more               heart-breaking.
               "I'm               just               getting               too               attached               to               this               life               and               (you)...I               have               to               leave."
               Rose               could               see               his               mind               processing               the               problem               like               a               chemical               formula               and               a               conclusion               seemed               to               spark.
               As               the               words               and               their               connotations               sank               in,               he               remembered               something               he'd               meant               to               address               and               needed               to               understand.
               "Why               does               it               make               a               difference               which               of               us               ends               this?"
               'Ends               this?'               Somewhere               in               the               back               of               his               mind               this               choice               of               phrase               ricocheted               with               domesticity               and               meaning               that               he               felt               powerless               to               understand               but               it               was               there               like               an               itch               or               a               secret,               bustling               like               tumbleweeds               through               the               vast               chasm               of               his               experience.
               "Because               if               YOU               ask               ME               to               go               it's               because               you               don't..."               Rose               swallowed               and               tried               again.

"You               don't               want               me               around               anymore               and               it'll               feel               like               it's               my               fault,               that               I               did               something               wrong               to               make               you               not...like               spending               time               with               me               anymore."
               He               made               to               inject               but               she               hastened               on.
               "But               when               I               say               I               want               to               go               it'll               never               be               because               I               don't               want               to               be               with               you.

S'just               life               goes               on               outside               of               this               strange,               wooden               box,               people               move               on,               absence               doesn't               make               the               heart               grow               fonder,               it               makes               it               forget."
               "Forget               me?"
               "S'too               late               for               that,               though               I               know               you'll               forget               me.

I               just               need               to               be               young               enough               to               grow               accustomed               to               a               different               way               of               life               again.

To               not               miss               this...you,               quite               so               much.

To               have               somewhere               to               go               before               my               mates               grow               up               and               my               mum               decides               she               won't               wait               anymore.

'Cause               in               here               I'll               always               be,               Rose               Tyler,               19,               shop               girl.

That's               where               my               life               stopped               for               all               those               that               know               me               and               how               can               I               turn               up               and               be,               Rose               Tyler,               30,               unemployed               and               still               have               a               place               in               their               lives               without               the               memories               and               bits               in               between?"
               That's               not               all               of               course,               that's               just               the               logical               answer               but               he's               nodding               absently               and               seeming               to               except               it               though               she               can't,               not               just               yet.

Rose               trails               her               fingertips               lightly               across               his               cheek               and               strokes               at               his               side               burns,               her               eyes               following               her               actions               until               she               steals               herself               to               look               in               his               eyes               and               finds               herself               begging               him               for               something               with               her               wistful               stare.
               "When               you               leave               me,               Doctor,               what               do               I               do?"               Even               to               her               own               ears               she               sounds               like               a               frightened               child.
               "Who               says               I'd               ever               leave               you?

But               when               you               leave               me               then               you               live,               Rose               Tyler.

You               have               a               fantastic               life."
               "Without               you?"
               "Oh,               Rose,               have               some               faith.

It's               not               me               that               makes               you               brilliant,               that's               all,               Rose               Tyler.

After               all               I               only               take               the               best."               He               offers               a               small               smile.
               Rose               pulls               away               from               the               trance.
               "But               words,               language,               are               relative."               He               smiles               at               her               intelligent               deduction               with               pride.
               "A               fantastic               life               for               me               no               longer               means               what               Shareen,               Keisha,               Mickey               or               mum               would               think               of               as               a               fantastic               life.

You               take               these               human               companions               and               make               real               living               mediocre.
               "When               I               was               young               I               used               to               love               fairy               tales               -               believe               anything               me.

Now               I               know               they               exist.

I've               lived               in               the               stars,               laughed               and               ran               through               my               wildest               dreams               and               now               I               believe               that               anything               is               possible               except               the               fairy               tales               biggest               lie               of               all,               'and               they               all               loved               happily               ever               after'."
               "Oh,               Rose..."
               She               gazed               at               him               then               with               such               intensity               that               his               hearts               thundered               in               his               chest.

She               seemed               on               the               brink               of               tears               and               for               once               he               was               struck               by               the               worlds               of               wisdom               and               passion               in               her               young               eyes.
               "I'd               stay.

I'd               stay               forever               if               I               could.

Wouldn't               worry               bout               my               life               out               there,               that's               just               an               excuse               'cause               you're               not               only               worth               the               monsters,               Doctor,               you're               worth               the               worthlessness               that               comes               after,               that               comes               with               my               Aberdeen."               He               cringed               at               the               reference.
               "I'd               stay               and               I'd               settle               for               being               happy               now               and               forsake               the               ever               after.

I'd               stay               that               is               if               I               was               happy."
               "You're               not               happy?"               The               Doctor               looked               like               he'd               taken               a               visible               blow               to               the               inside               of               his               very               being               before               the               defences               drained               back               into               his               glassy               stare               as               the               blood               drained               from               his               speared               hearts.
               "Then               why               would               you               miss               this?

Why               talk               like               I'm               condemning               a               prisoner               to               death               row               when               you'd               obviously               rather               be               anywhere               but               here."
               His               words               were               bitter               now               as               he               turned               his               back               on               her               to               hide               before               slumping               into               the               pilot               seat               and               squaring               his               shoulders               as               if               to               brace               howling               winds.
               "I               was               happy..."
               The               Doctor               didn't               look               at               her               as               she               nervously               pulled               at               her               sleeve               cuffs               and               walked               towards               him,               coming               to               stand               right               in               front               of               him.

When               his               eyes               remained               downcast,               Rose               slowly               knelt               before               him               and               reached               to               take               his               hand.

He               didn't               stop               her               but               simply               looked               at               their               joined               hands               as               if               they               held               the               answer               to               life               itself.
               "...but               you               changed."               Her               tone               wasn't               accusatory.
               "You'd               rather               I               died               on               Satellite               5?"               He               searched               her               face.
               "No,               not               then.

Recently."
               "What?"
               "Sarah-Jane,               Reinette...You               said               you'd               never               just               leave               me               then               poof,               you're               gone.

The               old               you               was               right,               yeah?

I               am               a               stupid               ape.

Thought               I               was               special               that               I               was               different.

My               brain               knew               you               were               an               alien               but               I               still               tried               to               understand               you               as               a               man.

I               thought               I               knew               you               but               I               know               nothing."
               "I               was               always               coming               back,               Rose."               He               squeezed               her               hand               in               reassurance.
               "You               are               special               and               you               DO               know               me,               so               much               it               scares               me               sometimes."
               "Yeah"               she               swiped               at               a               rouge               tear.

"But               I'm               not               the               only               special               one.

Kind'a               thought               special               was               exclusive."               She               shrugged               and               the               Doctor               drew               in               a               long               suffering               sigh               and               searched               the               ceiling               for               answers.
               "Rose,               I'm               very               old.

I               had               lived               so               many               lives               when               you               found               me               and               your               life               may               have               just               been               beginning               but               mine,               mine               was               ending."
               "I               know               that               now               and               it               shouldn't               matter               but               it               does.

I               understand               and               it's               not               your               fault,               it's               not..."               She               cupped               his               cheek               and               smiled.

"But               you               don't               understand               what               it               is               to               be               human.

It's               like               you               have               this               one,               short,               brilliant               life               and               you               only               have               time               in               that               short               life               to               really               get               to               know               one               or               two               people               really               well               out               of               the               billions               out               there               and               you               have               to               choose               wisely               'cause               they're               the               ones               you               share               your               life               with.

That's               what               I've               been               doing,               investing               my               short               time,               my               life,               in               knowing               and               learning               you.

You're               special               to               me               Doctor.

Humans               only               have               maybe               fifteen               years               to               choose               people               to               build               their               lives               around               before               they're               suddenly               running               out               of               time               and               I               choose               you.

But               when               you're               gone,               I'll               have               so               little               time               left               to               start               all               over               again               but               that's...that's               ok."
               His               big,               chocolate               brown               eyes               stared               at               her               in               disbelief               and               awe.
               "Wow,               that's...Rose...I....I               don't               know               what               to               say!

You               have               such               a               loving,               compassionate               heart               and               that               I...that               you               would               choose               to               share               that               passion               and               life               with               a               broken,               battle               scarred               alien               who               spends               his               life               running               trying               to               find               someone               as               genuine               and               innocent...someone               who               validates               my               faith               in               humanity               and               life               and               then               I               still               keep               running,               running               away               from               what               matters.

I               don't               deserve..."               Words               catch               in               his               normally               loquacious               throat               and               his               Adam's               apple               bobs               for               breath.
               "The               things               I've               seen,               Rose.

The               things               I've               done.

If               you               were               to               know               me,               Rose               I               would               drown               out               that               curiosity               and               spark               in               such               darkness.

I               run               all               the               time               because               I               have               all               of               Time               and               I'm               scared...silly...alone...I...You               become               so               much               more               everyday               because               you're               time's               running               out               and               I               love               what               you're               becoming."
               Rose               half               laughs               and               half               sobs               as               she               leans               up               for               a               hug.

Her               next               words               are               half               muffled               in               pinstriped               strength.
               "And               I               love               you               for               who               you               are               now               and               always.

The               fact               you               don't               change               means               I'll               never               stop               trusting               you               and               never               stop               believing               in               you               but               I               have               to               stop               travelling               with               you               'cause               all               the               wonderful               things               we               see               and               do,               even               they               become               routine               and               their               sparkle               and               meaning               vanishes               if               you               don't               have               someone               to               remember               them               with               when               they're               over.

I'm               not               so               special               and               someday               you'll               leave               me               too               and               that's               ok.

I               know               it               has               to               happen               but               everyone               wants               their               lives               to               mean               something               but               this               life,               thousands               of               light               years               away               from               Earth,               will               mean               nothing               unless               I               mean               something               to               someone               who               can               share               it.
               "I               realised               something,               Doctor.

I               realised               that               without               my               naïve               human               connection               to               you,               out               here               in               this               massive               ship,               I'm               so               lonely."
               Rose               is               crying               freely               now,               the               Doctor               cradling               her               face               and               fruitlessly               wiping               away               tears.
               "No!

Rose,               no!

I               have               dibs               on               that               term               and               of               all               the               wonders               and               atrocities               I               commit               in               my               life,               the               one               thing               I               could               never               bare               to               be               responsible               for               is               making               someone               else               lonely,               especially               not               you."
               It's               not               enough.

She's               so               close               to               him               right               now               and               she               knows               that               he               cares               for               her               and               is               proud               of               her,               like               a               father,               but               crying,               boneless               on               the               floor,               she               realises               she               can't               be               this               dependent               on               him.

He               is               worth               giving               up               everything               for               but               her               heart's               just               not               strong               enough               to               make               that               sacrifice               not               when               it               will               be               so               broken               and               empty               when               it               finally               emerges               from               the               T.A.R.D.I.S.

back               on               Earth.

It               had               taken               so               much               power               to               come               this               far,               she               can't               back               down               now.

He               respects               her,               cares               for               her,               makes               her               feel               safe,               protects               her               but               this               new               Doctor               doesn't               need               her               anymore,               any               good               soul,               any               'special'               person               would               do.
               She               leans               back               on               her               ankles,               breaking               the               moment               and               turns               away               as               she               scrubs               at               her               face               with               a               bedraggled               sleeve.

There's               silence               except               for               a               few               remaining               sobs               as               she               gets               herself               under               control.

Eventually               she               feels               ready               to               turn               away               completely               and               stands,               slowly               turning               away               and               heading               for               those               doors               that               always               had               such               anticipation               and               uncertainty.

Her               future               now               is               so               unsure;               she               feels               cast               adrift               and               lost,               so               out               of               her               depth.

Her               mind's               spinning               as               it               calculates               her               situation,               what               she               will               do               now,               until               a               softly               spoken               word               breaks               through.
               "Gallifrey."
               It               was               the               Doctor.

The               silence               was               so               solid               that               she               almost               forgot               he               was               there               like               the               air               had               created               walls               upon               walls               between               them.

She               turns.
               "What?"
               "It               needs               saying.

What               you               mean               to               me,               Rose.

Why               you're               special;               why               I               still               travel               with               you               -               the               whole               of               Gallifrey,               Rose."
               He's               still               perched               on               the               pilot               seat               motionless,               barely               even               breathing               but               he               looks               at               her               with               such               encompassing               eyes.
               "I               don't               understand."               She               sees               something               change               in               his               demeanour,               an               unusual               almost               unseen               sight               of               the               Doctor               opening               up,               talking,               really               talking.
               "When               I               first               met               you               through               the               abrasive,               brooding,               leather               clad               thing.

I               was               kind               of               mysterious               and               sexy,               even               if               I               do               say               so               myself..."               he               winks               at               her               and               she               stifles               a               giggle.

"It               was               also               genuine.

The               universe               used               to               be               a               vibrant,               astounding               place,               full               of               sound               and               adventure               and               then               it               burned.

Gallifrey,               Rose,               my               home,               my               people,               all               I               knew,               it               burned               by               my               hand.

Suddenly               it               was               so               dark.

Technicolor               faded               to               black               and               white               and               it               was               so               quiet.

All               those               voices,               all               that               life,               ambition,               hopes,               dreams,               love...

I               felt               deaf               and               blind               and               yet               I               alone               still               existed,               so               alone.

I               didn't               want               to...continue,               Rose."
               He               comes               to               her               then.

Abashed               and               ashamed               and               takes               her               hands               and               lowers               his               gaze               to               their               joined               fingers.
               "How               could               I               appreciate               a               sunrise               without               sight,               laughter               without               hearing               and               then               I               met               you               and               you               replaced               everything               that               was               gone.

One               human               life               became               my               whole               world,               my               reason,               my               Gallifrey.
               "You               saved               my               life,               Rose               and               I               know               that               I               have               a               long               way               to               go               to               become               a               man               that               deserves               salvation               but               you're               my               chance.

I'll               learn               to               stand               alone               again,               it's               the               curse               of               the               Time               Lords               but               I'm               still               so               unmade.

Your               eyes,               your               ears,               your               love               is               like               a               surrogate               to               my               soul.

Through               you               I               see               and               feel               and               live               again.

It               terrifies               me               to               esteem               one               person               so               much               because               it's               such               a               risk               and               everyday               I               think               I'm               going               to               fall               until               I               feel               your               hand               in               mine.
               "I               don't               know               how               I               feel               or               who               I               am               and               I               may               always               be               afraid               to               find               out               but               I               know               I               want               you               with               me.

Is               that               enough               for               you?"
               Damn               stupid               alien               is               making               her               cry               again.

She               smiles               and               smoothes               her               hands               protectively               down               his               shirt               breast               and               replies               in               the               only               way               she               knows               how,               the               only               way               they               know               how,               for               now               -               with               a               joke.
               "How               could               I               still               feel               lonely               if               I               have               a               hand               to               hold?"
               "You'll               stay?"               and               the               sparkle               in               back               in               his               eyes.
               "I'll               stay."               and               she's               launching               herself               into               his               waiting               arms               and               laughing               that               breathless               kind               of               laughter               that               is               so               close               to               tears.

When               they               finally               break               apart               they               stand               simply               smiling               until               reality               seeps               slowly               back               in.
               "Oh               but               the               T.A.R.D.I.S.,               you               said..."
               "Oh               my               God!"
               "Doctor?"






Image of barrow train station






barrow train station
barrow train station


barrow train station Image 1


barrow train station
barrow train station


barrow train station Image 2


barrow train station
barrow train station


barrow train station Image 3


barrow train station
barrow train station


barrow train station Image 4


barrow train station
barrow train station


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